2006, USA
After being kicked out of med school, Sarah Sheldon embarks on a series of population control experiments that involve endowing an Asian man with a giant ‘appendage – namely, an organi penis with an appetite for destruction.
As the attachment grows (and growls), it produces teeth meant to disable a woman’s ovaries during intercourse as a means of sterilization, but instead, its eats their insides entirely and the unfortunate subjects die of massive haemorrhaging.
The male subject begs to have the penis removed, and the aggressive appendage is deposited in a jar where it bangs its head against the glass and generally misbehaves.
This results in punishment, by way of it not being allowed out in the sunshine (it loves the sunshine).
This is a fully vulgar, misanthropic and highly original film with atrocious acting – but to keep a straight face through this remarkably absurd plot is a feat in itself.
The actors stagger through mostly emotionless lines like “What ever happened to (pause) profound conversations and (pause) the (pause) discovery of inner truth and spirituality?” and “You haven’t experienced the stallion until you’ve felt this Italian sausage.”
Sarah is obsessed with sex, but clearly loathes sex with men (although she engages in it frequently).
When one of her pick-ups beats her, she laughs, hissing at him: “You think you’re the first guy to beat me up?”
Ultimately she has to admit that she wants the penis attached to herself.
After trying it out with her naïve girlfriend, she cuts her hair (symbolic transformative act) and tracks down the guy that beat her so that she can rape him with her giant toothed dick.
This is not the last of the film’s many strange twists.
Although I have seen films with better writing, better acting and better production values, I have never forgotten this film.
In the catalogue of this book, The Secret Life of Sarah Sheldon is one of a kind.
hexafu 